Love Lasts Page 4

  “That makes sense.” A moment of silence stands between us.

  “I guess it’s kind of difficult for me to believe in a god when so much bad stuff happens in the world. Plus, there’s like science stuff that says the world started a certain way, and humans evolved from apes or something, so I don’t know. That’s why it’s hard for me to decide whether I believe or not,” I add. Dane nods as if I’m making perfect sense, but I honestly grabbed that argument out of thin air.

  For a few minutes, we don’t say anything, and I wonder what’s going through Dane’s head right now. I look at him, and he only smiles.

  We arrive at a park a couple minutes later, and when Dane parks, we both get out. He leads me towards the top of a muddy hill, and the wind blows strongly against us. Spots of blue pop out of the sky in between all the clouds, but the world still lacks color. The hill and grass all around us are brown, and some places are even covered in dirty white snow. I watch the bottom of my white Adidas become coated in mud and smile. Dane looks down too and notices.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you were wearing white shoes‒”

  “It’s okay. I like getting them dirty. Makes me feel like I’m living a little,” I say.

  When we reach the top of the hill, we can see all across the park, and I finally realize where we are: Freedom Springs.

  The waterpark sits in a fenced-in area a couple hundred yards away, and I’m surprised I didn’t notice it before. It appears abandoned, as it should be in the winter-time. The pools are empty of water, and the folding chairs that normally lay around the entire park are out of sight, probably inside one of the storage facilities.

  The wind wisps past us, and I shiver. Dane lets go of my hand and instead wraps his arms around me in a hug. My heart beats faster, but I lean my head against his chest. His heart beats hard and fast too. We stand there for a lifetime, but I start to feel more comfortable in his arms. I look up at him, and he looks down at me. We both smile, and his eyes roam my face. This feels like a movie moment, but it stops when Dane releases me.

  “Let’s get out of this cold,” he says and grabs my hand again, leading me back to the car.

  We drive in silence for a while until he asks what I want to eat. My stomach is empty, but it also swarms with butterflies. Nothing sounds good to eat, and I’m not even sure I want to eat anyways.

  “Whatever you want is fine with me,” I say.

  “I know the perfect place then,” he says.

  He chooses a pizza place I’ve never been to, and as soon as we walk inside, it smells delicious. My stomach growls. The restaurant is pretty full, but we get a table quickly. Once we sit down, though, my heart rate quickens. This is the first time we’ll actually sit and talk to each other without any barriers, and it’s making me very anxious. I excuse myself to the bathroom.

  When I get inside the bathroom, I look at myself in the mirror and find that I look terrified for no good reason. I close my eyes and breathe deeply. Nothing is going wrong here, so I don’t know why I’m suddenly freaking out. He seems to be genuine, and he’s so attractive. So what’s wrong with me?

  I open my eyes. There’s no time for being a chicken. I shake my arms up and down, airing out my armpits and turn to look into the full-length mirror near the door. I look cute, and he thinks I’m cute. So there’s nothing to worry about. I pull out my phone and take a selfie. I send it to Lin with a short message.

  It’s going great. I head back to the table without giving myself a second chance to overthink this. As I’m walking to the table, he smiles at me and noticeably checks me out. My jaw drops a little, and I raise my eyebrows at him.

  “Sorry, you just look really good,” he says. Some color fills his cheeks, and I smile.

  “You do too,” I say. It’s weird to openly admit that, but it makes Dane smile.

  “I ordered us a pepperoni pizza. I hope that’s okay,” he says.

  “Yeah, that’s perfect.”

  Our conversation leads from one topic to another with ease, and neither of us holds anything back. We tell each other about our pasts, our present lives, and our futures. I learn about a few of his exes, and I honestly admit what happened with Luke. He doesn’t seem to mind, and I realize I’m much more comfortable again.

  “Have you had your first kiss?” Dane asks out of the blue. My answer catches in my throat, but I force it out nervously.

  “No. Honestly, I’m pretty much the most inexperienced person ever. I’m very sheltered, and everyone pretty much thinks I’m this innocent little girl. They’re not wrong, but I don’t like being labeled that way,” I admit. Heat fills my face, and I place my cold hand on the back of my neck. Dane smiles.

  “Good to know.”

  After a while, our pizza comes, and I only put one slice onto my plate. I nibble at it for half an hour, while Dane eats four slices.

  “You not very hungry?” He asks in between bites.

  “I guess not,” I lie. The truth is that my stomach is so full of butterflies that I can’t eat. He asked about my first kiss, and what terrifies me most is that he might be the one to give me it. I don’t feel ready, but maybe no one ever is. It’s not like you can practice for it. But I’m getting ahead of myself. He may not even want to kiss me.

  After Dane pays for the food, we leave, and he grabs two mints on the way out of the door. He looks at me, and my whole body fills with nerves.

  He drives me back to my car, and the music on the radio fills most of the silence. As I’m looking out the window, I try not to think about him kissing me. Instead, I focus on the good things that already happened. The date went great, and I didn’t do anything to majorly mess it up. And Dane didn’t turn out to be an ax-murderer, so he proved everyone wrong.

  When he pulls up next to my car fifteen minutes later, I look at it, feeling like it was days ago that I first pulled into this parking lot for our date. Then, I look over at Dane, and the butterflies swarm my stomach again.

  “I had so much fun with you,” Dane says. He turns down the radio so it’s almost too quiet to hear, but I hear it. Dane seems so kind and genuine, so maybe he is the right person to give me my first kiss. I swallow too loudly and smile nervously.

  “I did too. Thank you so much for lunch and for taking me to some new places,” I say.

  “My pleasure. We’ll have to do it again sometime,” Dane says, but it comes out sounding like a question.

  “Definitely.” I smile. We continue looking at each other, and I know it’s coming. His eyes roam my face and pass over my lips, but I’m too scared to look at his. I swallow loudly again and place my hand on the center console. My hand sticks to something, making me want to cringe, but I ignore it and lean closer.

  Dane fills the distance, and I close my eyes like I think I’m supposed to. Meanwhile, my heart beats out of my chest, and I’m worried I’m not doing any of this right. Our lips touch, and I’m pretty sure he does all the work. My brain is moving too slow, and my heart is beating too fast. But a second later, Dane leans back, so I do the same. My face is on fire, and I have no idea what to say or do with myself.

  “Well, I’ll talk to you later,” I say, feeling far too awkward. I grab my purse off the floorboard and open the car door. Without saying anything else, I step out, and when I look back at Dane, his face is red.

  “Okay‒” I slam the car door shut and immediately realize that Dane is still talking. My face burns from embarrassment, but I open the door back up.

  “What?” I ask like the biggest jerk on the planet. Dane holds out one of the mints from the pizza place.

  “Sorry, I was just asking if you wanted a mint,” he says, and I can’t even make eye contact.

  “No, thanks,” I say and laugh nervously.

  “Okay, well, I’ll talk to you later.”

  “Okay, bye,” I say and close the car door again. I’m the biggest failure ever.

  CHAPTER 4

  Dane drives away without looking back at me, so I slump to the
ground. The pavement is cold on my legs, but I can’t even think about it. I put my hand on my forehead and shake my head. Did that just happen? A laugh escapes me, but it doesn’t even sound like my own. I pull out my phone and immediately call Lin. She picks up quickly.

  “Dane and I just kissed.” Silence. And then she screams into my ear.

  “Are you serious?” She asks.

  “Yep.”

  “Tell me everything!” So I do, and by the time I’m done, my head feels incredibly fuzzy.

  “I can’t believe you had your first kiss,” Lin says, and I nod like she can see me.

  “I know. He seems perfect,” I say.

  “Maybe he is finally the one you’ve been waiting for,” Lin says, and I can’t even smile because my thoughts feel so heavy.

  “Maybe he is.”

  When I finally get off the cold ground and get in my car to drive home, the sun is already setting. I drive home in silence, letting my thoughts replay the events of today over and over again.

  I get home and walk inside, and my parents are both sitting in the living room. Mom gets up quickly and walks over to me. I’m in a haze, so I answer her questions as vaguely as possible, leaving out the important last detail. She finally stops asking questions, so I go straight upstairs and flop face-first into my bed.

  I touch my lips and can almost still feel his against mine. For those short few seconds while we were kissing, my mind went blank, and it’s like he and I were the only people on the planet. Now, the memory feels unreal in my mind like I made it up, or it’s someone else’s memory in my brain. I shake my head and shove it underneath my pillow. I don’t know whether to smile or to cry because that just happened, but also, I made it so awkward by slamming the door in his face. He probably thinks I don’t like him now.

  My phone vibrates from somewhere, so I reach around my blankets until I find it. It’s a message from Dane. My chest constricts.

  I had such a good time with you. I’m sorry if the kiss was too much. You told me you hadn’t had your first kiss, and I really wanted to be the one to give it to you. A smile instantly fills my face, but I’m not sure whether to think it’s sweet of him or selfish of him to say that. He’s probably been many girls’ first kisses, and I’m only one of many. My face falls, and I suddenly feel anxious. I text him back anyway, ignoring my thoughts.

  I had so much fun too. I hover over the keyboard for a minute. I’m glad you were my first kiss. I rub my face with one hand and hold my phone with the other, watching him text back.

  Aw, well, you were really good for it being your first kiss. I smile lightly, and Dane sends another message. I’d love to go out with you again. I text back quickly.

  Thanks, I think lol. I’d love to go out with you again too.

  My body feels too hot, so I push my blanket to the end of my bed. Another message comes through.

  How about tomorrow? Well, he’s a bit eager. Isn’t he? I can’t help but smile and text him back.

  I’m a bit of a nerd and have a lot of homework to do on the weekdays. Friday night?

  Jessica walks into our room with a bag of Cheetos and her computer, and although I look at her, she ignores me. Dane takes a while to text back, and I worry that maybe he’s changed his mind for some reason. But finally, my phone buzzes again.

  Perfect. I don’t do a lot of homework, but you might encourage me to do my own lol.

  At that, I wrap up our conversation and tell him that I actually have to finish my homework for tomorrow.

  In between doing calculus problems and teaching myself physics, the memories of today run through my mind over and over again. A smile is plastered to my face all night, and I think this might be the happiest I’ve felt in a long time. I’ve never known what it’s like to be treated well by a good guy, so it feels good to finally be experiencing this. I think I deserve this, and although I know I should restrain myself, my hopes are high. Hopefully, I won’t regret it.

  After finishing my homework and eating dinner with my family, who seem to be incredibly aware of my change in mood, I take out my journal to write. Since I was fourteen, I’ve consistently written in a journal, and I’ve already filled one. I’ve written poetry, short stories, memories, thoughts, and so much more in these journals, and I keep them in hopes that one day, I’ll be able to look back and remember it all.

  Tonight, I write down all the events of the day and everything I’ve learned so far about Dane. I’m not sure if it makes me a creep to be noting these things, but I don’t want to forget. I write down that he likes movies with a good storyline, he likes John Mayer, he wants two kids, a boy and a girl, he has some crazy exes, he has a dog named Sidney, and his brother’s name is Joseph. I quickly flip through the first chunk of my journal, all of it filled with writing, and smile. Up until now, my journal is full of bad experiences with guys and feeling sad and lonely, but maybe now, things will change.

  Lastly, I tape my movie stub from today into my journal and close it, placing it back underneath my desk. It rests on top of my other full journal, empty journals for the future, and all the books I’m currently reading. Then, I set my morning alarm on my phone and wrap myself in my warm blanket.

  It takes me a while to fall asleep because memories and thoughts bounce around my mind, but eventually, I do.

  When I wake up the next morning to my alarm, my first thought isn’t “Ugh, why?” for once. Instead, the memories of yesterday all come back to me, and a smile comes across my face. I could get used to waking up happy.

  I get out of bed and get ready for school, while thoughts of Dane fill my head. His freckles and hazel eyes flash in my memory, and I shake my head to myself. Why is someone so attractive into me of all people? I look into the bathroom mirror.

  My hair is an awkward shade between blonde and brunette that I don’t like. When I brush it, it poofs out on the bottom because it’s so thick. I look around my face. My nose curves up, and my lips are too thin. I let out a breath and look into my eyes. At least, they’re bright blue and beautiful.

  I walk out of the bathroom and look into the full-length mirrors that cover my closet doors. Because of my school’s strict dress code, I’m forced to wear jeans without holes, and the pair I’m currently wearing don’t fit quite right. My thin frame forces me to wear a belt, and my height forces me to roll them up two times. They’re not tight at the bottom, and I feel like the least fashionable person on the planet. I look into the mirror at myself, feeling disappointed. So much for waking up happy.

  When I walk downstairs, it smells like farts, and I crinkle my nose. I turn around the corner to the kitchen and find Keagan making an egg sandwich. He doesn’t say anything to me and doesn’t seem to notice the odor. Kevin comes around the corner too, shirtless with hair standing in all different directions. He ignores both of us, walks to the laundry room, and then walks back upstairs, holding a towel.

  Mornings in our house are always a gamble. Between the five of us, there’s always room for bickering and arguments. Kevin and Keagan have to share their single bathroom in the morning. They both have to shower, while Mom showers downstairs in her bathroom. I get ready in my own bathroom but have to get out in time for Jessica to start getting ready. Then, Alec gets ready in the boys’ bathroom after Kevin, and Dad showers after Mom. It’s a whole thing.

  There’s hardly ever enough hot water for everyone, and since I must be the only smart one in the house, I shower at night when no one else does. One way or another, someone always ends up cranky in the morning, and it’s usually someone else’s fault.

  This morning, though, Kevin and Keagan don’t seem to have any problems with each other, so it’s been quiet so far. When Kevin finally comes downstairs again, he’s wearing a button-up shirt, khaki shorts, even though it’s winter, and his hair looks much tamer than before. That’s when the yelling starts, and it’s from Jessica of all people. I can hear her from where I’m sitting at the kitchen table, and she’s upstairs yelling at Mom that she doesn�
��t want to get up to go to school.

  Mom comes downstairs a few minutes later with a scowl on her face. None of us say anything. When Kevin finally starts putting his shoes on, that’s mine and Keagan’s cue to do the same. Although I have my license, I share my car with my mom. She drives it to work on weekdays, so I still ride to school with Kevin as my chauffeur. He dictates whether or not we arrive at school on time, and most of the time, I worry we’ll be late. We haven’t been late so far, though. I had to sprint to class once, but I still managed to make it.

  “Love you. Have a good day,” Mom says to all of us when we walk out the front door. Keagan and I mumble a reply, but Kevin says nothing.

  It might as well be pitch black outside because I can barely see anything when we step outside. The streetlights and house lights barely illuminate the area, and for some reason, I’m always paranoid when it’s this dark that someone will jump out of the bushes to kidnap us.

  Kevin drives us to school with the same rap playlist on, and we get stuck in the same slow, morning traffic. My phone vibrates, and I turn down my brightness to see the message.

  Good morning beautiful. It’s from Dane. I smile but quickly let it fall from my face so my brothers don’t notice. Dane and I text each other for the rest of the car ride.

  When my siblings and I pull into the school parking lot thirty minutes later, I send Dane my last text and promise to text again after school is over. My teachers are pretty strict with their phone policies, and I don’t want someone I’ve known for three days to mess up my work during school. I get out of the car and start walking towards school, and for once, I think I can manage this Monday with ease.

  Classes go by pretty slowly, and my thoughts often drift from my school work to Dane. But I make it through the day and head to my locker after my final class. The people who bump into me don’t bother me like they usually do, and the excessive noise doesn’t sound as loud today.