Love Lasts Page 5

  Out of the corner of my eye, though, I see the one person who can ruin this whole day. Luke stands at the end of the hallway I’m walking down, so I try to hide behind a few tall guys and look down at the ground. It seems Luke was waiting specifically for me, though, because he sees me instantly.

  He walks through the crowd like a bull, ignoring the looks and comments of people he pushes past without hesitation, and starts walking right alongside me. My heart jumps into my throat.

  “Who were you with yesterday?” Luke asks, wasting no time. A few people glance at us when they hear his booming voice, and I try to shrink out of view. I don’t even look at him.

  “A guy‒”

  “Obviously, it was a guy. Don’t mess with me, Penelope. Who was he? Is he your boyfriend?” His voice sounds heavy, and for the first time since I’ve known Luke, he scares me. To most people, he’s a large, intimidating guy worth being scared of, but I’ve gotten to know him, whether I wanted to or not. And he’s really a big teddy bear, but right now, he’s turned into someone else I don’t recognize. I swallow a lump that’s formed in my throat.

  “He’s not my boyfriend, but we were on a date,” I say. A strangled noise comes from Luke’s throat, and I make myself look at him. We’ve stopped walking now that we’re at my locker, and he stands tall over me. His face is full of sadness, confusion, and anger, and my heart breaks for him. I knew this was going to happen, but there’s nothing I could’ve done to prevent it.

  “I just don’t understand,” Luke says. He runs a hand through his hair and continues looking at me, even when I look away. “I’ve been talking to you for a month, trying to go out with you, and this guy talks to you for what, a day, and gets to go on a date with you. What does he have that I don’t have?” My face is tight, and my body feels heavy. A few people look between us as they walk past us, but I don’t care.

  “I’m sorry, Luke,” I say quietly. He scoffs loudly. A guy a few lockers down looks at him and then at me, but he closes his locker and walks away. “But you deserve so much better than me.”

  “I’ll never find someone better than you, and you’ll never understand that. You don’t understand,” Luke says. His voice cracks, and he shakes his head. I look up at him, and he looks incredibly distraught. I don’t know what to do or what to say.

  “I’m sorry,” I say again. Luke shakes his head, looks at me in the eyes one more time, and walks away. I’m left feeling guilty and vulnerable, and I want nothing more than to be far away from here.

  As quickly as I can, I get the things I need from my locker and fast-walk outside to Kevin’s car. He and Keagan are already waiting for me, and I apologize for running late when I get in the car. No one says anything. Kevin speeds out of the parking lot in order to get onto the street ahead of the slow busses, he turns up his rap music, and we sit in silence the rest of the way home.

  The rest of the night, Dane and I text each other about anything we can think of, and although I should be focusing entirely on my homework before talking to him, I let my priorities shift around. I tell Dane about Luke and what happened today, and Dane pretends that he has some competition. I assure him that he doesn’t. Eventually, our conversation turns to music, and I send him my favorite song, “All I Want” by Kodaline, to listen to.

  This song has resonated with me for a few years, despite my inexperience in relationships. The first time I heard it, I bawled on my bedroom floor, and I still don’t know why. Sending it to Dane is risky, but I think I can trust him. My phone vibrates with a message from him.

  I love that song. A few seconds later, another message comes through. I wanna fall in love with you. I stop breathing for a second and blink at the screen, thinking if I blink enough, it’ll disappear because obviously, I’m imagining this. It stays there, though, so I text back slowly.

  Really?

  My mind is blank, and I can’t even comprehend those words. The three dots on his side of the conversation bounce up and down for a long time, and I wonder if this is some kind of sick prank. He’s going to break it to me any second now, and I feel my heart breaking before it even happens. His message finally pops up after another minute, and I swallow hard.

  You’re everything I want in a girl and then some. You’re beautiful, smart, and have great taste in music. You find beauty in the little things, and you appreciate silence. You seek adventure and restoration of the broken-hearted. You seem perfect, and it blows me away that no one’s ever sought love in you before. Maybe I’m not everything you’re looking for in a guy, but I wanna be everything to and for you. I’ve loved before, but it was toxic and heart-wrenching. But with you, I see something so pure‒something that, with or without time, could be what we’ve both wanted.

  My heart physically hurts. I’m sweating, and my eyes well up with tears. But I feel stupid for allowing myself to be emotional. After all, Dane has only known me for a few days, just like how Luke was. Why does this feel so right, but Luke felt so wrong? Why can I accept Dane’s declaration of love, but I couldn’t accept Luke’s? I feel incredibly selfish and conceited because I know why, but I push the truth away. I text Dane back and blink away the tears.

  You are everything I want in a guy, and I really hope this is it. I hope we can spend the next few months, getting to know each other and going on adventures together, and I hope I can fall in love with you too because you deserve pure love. And I’d love to be the girl who can give you that.

  I set my phone down for only a few seconds before it vibrates with another message.

  You’re amazing. I allow myself to smile and hold a hand to my heart. It beats fast through my chest, but I will it to slow down. Although whatever is happening between Dane and me makes me happy, I know I can’t let myself get attached too quickly. My hopes are so high that it hurts to think about him using me like everyone else, but the truth is, he could be like everyone else. He could be like the guys who talk to multiple girls at once, or he could be the kind of guy who will leave me for his ex. But the more those possibilities sit in my head, the more I believe that he’s nothing like the guys I’ve talked to before.

  My hope terrifies me, but I allow it to fill me anyway.

  CHAPTER 5

  The rest of the week goes by slowly, but finally, Friday arrives. Anxiety runs through me all day because I know I’ll be seeing Dane again tonight. The memory of our kiss runs through my head all day too, and when I’m walking with Lin to class, she seems to notice that I’m distant.

  “Are you in there?” Lin asks, waving in front of my face. Truthfully, I didn’t hear a word she said.

  “Yeah, sorry. I’ve got a lot on my mind,” I say. It’s the last period of the day, which is piano class for me, so I can text Dane after I finish testing the song of the week. Lin watches me carefully.

  “Is it Dane?” She asks. A smile creeps onto my face, and Lin makes a gagging noise. “Gross. You can’t like him that much already?” I look at her.

  “I really like him. He’s like a dream,” I say. Lin squints at me. She looks dissatisfied, and I’m not sure why.

  “Well, don’t get your hopes up. He could end up being just like all the others.” I furrow my brows. I know she wants to protect me, but I don’t need her negative mindset to ruin my mood right now.

  “Thanks for your positivity,” I say. It comes out more spiteful than I intended. Lin’s face freezes in a frown, and we stop walking.

  “I’m not your best friend so I can be blindly positive. I’m your best friend so I can keep you in check. You can’t just fall for any guy that gives you attention because that’s how they all end up using you.” A knife might as well have been shoved into my chest. I swallow the lump forming in my throat and dig my fingernails into my palms.

  “You’re one to talk.” Lin’s jaw drops, and without giving her a chance to win this argument, I walk away, down the hallway to piano. I don’t turn around even when I hear her saying something in my direction. I walk into piano and slump down into my cha
ir, hoping to become invisible for the rest of the day.

  Even after I take my piano test and get one hundred percent on it, I don’t pull out my phone to text Dane. It buzzed in my pocket three times earlier, and I’m too afraid to see if they’re from Lin. I might’ve started something that I can’t stop or win. My chest hurts.

  When the final bell rings, I get to my locker and walk to Kevin’s car without any interruptions. Still, I don’t pull out my phone because if the messages are from Lin, I don’t want to seem upset or angry in front of my brothers. Keagan sniffs obnoxiously in the back seat from a cold he’s getting over, and Kevin drives through our neighborhood like he’s a race car driver. I need a nap.

  Once I’m safely inside the confines of my bedroom with the door closed, only then do I pull out my phone, and my heart drops instantly. There are two messages from Lin.

  You’re delusional if you think this will work out for you. You always want to act like you’re better than me. The messages go on to say more hurtful things, but I drop my phone on the floor and crawl under the covers of my bed.

  I squeeze my eyes shut so tightly that blue and white dots appear around the edges. As soon as I think I’m becoming happy and everything is starting to work out, something has to happen to ruin it. Of course, this is my fault. Lin only wanted to protect me, but I had to be defensive and hurtful. A groan escapes my throat, but it sounds muffled against the pillow on my face.

  I sit up quickly and throw my pillow across the room, watching it smack into a wall, and then I grab my phone from off the floor. I read the rest of Lin’s messages and then delete the conversation altogether. The other message I received earlier was from Dane, and I feel bad for not responding earlier.

  I can’t wait for our date tonight. His message says. I text back slowly.

  I’m so excited too. Sorry I didn’t respond earlier. School and stuff. I don’t want to lie to him, but I also don’t want to talk about what happened at all. Lin might’ve ruined my mood at school, but she can’t ruin this date.

  Dane and I are going roller skating at a place near my house. I’ve driven past the roller rink before, and from the outside, it looks pretty sketchy. But apparently, it’s been renovated, so I’m hoping the inside looks much better than the outside.

  My bed is far too comfortable, so I cozy up underneath the covers again. When I close my eyes, the conversation between Lin and I runs through my head. I could’ve handled that situation so much better, and I wish I would’ve kept my cool. But also, she should’ve been supportive of me. I know my track record for dating sucks, but I wouldn’t get myself into anything that seemed like it would end badly. She should’ve trusted me.

  Even with the comfort of my bed, I can’t fall asleep, so I start to get ready for my date. My mind moves from one stressful situation to the next with ease.

  Looking in my closet, I easily pick out my outfit this time without Lin’s help. Once I’m all ready, I go downstairs and sit on the couch to watch my dad play video games. He notices I’m not wearing my usual sweatpants and a t-shirt for when I’m staying home, but he doesn’t ask any questions either. Mom probably already told him, and he probably doesn’t want to talk about it more than he has to.

  Dane and I text for a while until he says he’s coming to pick me up. Ten minutes later, I hear a car door shut and look out the window. Walking up my driveway, Dane looks up and sees me through the window. He smiles and waves, and my cheeks flush. I let go of the curtain and walk over to the door, opening it before Dane has a chance to knock.

  From out of the corner of my eye, I see Dad get out of his chair and walk towards us, so I quickly shove my shoes on. As soon as Dane sees my dad, he steps inside and holds out his hand.

  “Hello, Mr. Freeman. Nice to meet you. I’m Dane,” Dane says. Dad shakes Dane’s hand. His face looks stern, but I know he probably feels nervous and awkward. My dad has never done this before, so this is a new experience for both of us. He looks at me and then back at Dane.

  “Nice to meet you, Dane. You can call me Jeremy,” Dad says. There are a few seconds of awkward silence, so I take it as my cue to leave.

  “Okay, well, bye,” I say and wave to my dad before stepping outside.

  “Have fun and be safe,” Dad says and closes the door behind me. I follow Dane to his car. My heart rate quickens when I look at Dane, and he’s looking back at me with a huge smile on his face. When we sit in his car and close the doors, he continues looking at me with that goofy smile, so I laugh.

  “What? Is there something on my face?” I ask. My cheeks warm up, but he shakes his head and starts the car.

  “I’m just so glad to see you. I’ve been looking forward to this all week,” Dane says, and that tiny bit of southern accent comes out of his voice again. I smile.

  “Me too.”

  Dane starts backing out of the driveway, and I look back up at the house. Alec peers his tiny face out of one of the windows in the kitchen, but when I catch him looking, he walks away.

  “Well, I didn’t know when I’d get to meet your dad, but I’d say that went well. He seems kind of scary, though,” Dane says. I laugh.

  “He can be a bit intimidating, but he’s really smart and funny too.” I wonder if it’s true that girls tend to marry guys that are like their fathers, and guys tend to marry girls that are like their mothers. Looking at Dane, he doesn’t seem much like my dad, except they’re both extremely tall.

  Dane catches me looking at him and smiles. His hand reaches for mine, and I easily accept. The radio fills the silence because we don’t talk until we’ve pulled into the roller rink parking lot.

  The building looks as sketchy as always, and only one other car sits in the parking lot. I check the time on my phone.

  “It doesn’t open for 10 more minutes,” I say, “That’s weird.” Dane puts the car in park but doesn’t turn it off, so the music on the radio continues to play. Dane reaches to turn it down, and then he looks at me. He smiles, but I can see the nervousness in his eyes.

  “I really like you,” Dane says. The statement alone makes my heart beat fast. I watch his face closely, and even though I don’t know him well yet, his words feel familiar and comforting like they’re wrapping me in a hug.

  “I really like you too,” I say quietly. We aren’t holding hands anymore, so my hands are closed tightly together in my lap. My thumb moves up and down my other hand.

  “Would you… do you want to be my girlfriend?” Dane asks, and my mind goes blank. Suddenly, I’m overwhelmed with nerves, and I’ve forgotten what words are. I nod and force a smile.

  “Is that a ‘yes’?”

  “Yes,” I manage to say. Dane smiles brightly and leans across the center console to kiss me. His hand moves to my face and then to the side of my neck, as we kiss. It’s heavy and unfamiliar but cools off my burning skin. His lips are electric against my own, and my brain seems to be short-circuiting. Dane leans back with a serious look on his face.

  “Your heart is beating so fast,” Dane says, keeping his hand on my neck. I swallow and place my hand on my chest, even though I already know that it’s beating fast. My heart thinks I just got done running a marathon and vibrates my whole being inside out.

  “Yeah, just ignore that,” I say with a nervous laugh.

  “It’s okay. This is new for you. I don’t want to pressure you to do anything you’re not comfortable with, and I will go as slowly as you want. I want this to be right. So many girls before you have been wrong, but I really‒ I feel like you’re different than them,” Dane says and takes his hand away from my neck. It feels incredibly cold now compared to the rest of my body.

  I hate the idea of there being other girls before me, but I can’t expect anything different. Not everyone is as inexperienced as I am. High schoolers tend to live a little. I hope this is my chance to finally start living a little too.

  I take Dane’s hand in my own and squeeze it a little.

  “I want this to be right too.” I lea
n over this time, and although I still don’t know what I’m doing, I try my best to give him a good kiss. When I lean back, Dane’s eyes are still closed, and he smiles.

  “I could get used to that,” he says. I laugh and check the time on my phone again.

  “Come on, let’s go inside,” I say. Dane turns the car off, and we walk hand-in-hand towards the sketchy roller rink. Only one other car pulled up, so hopefully, they have enough employees to open.

  When Dane pulls on the door handle, it opens, revealing a small hallway and two doors at the end of it. On the right side is a big window and counter where a girl is walking around frantically. She spots us, and her face morphs into a look of fear. She quickly walks behind a corner so we can no longer see her. I look at Dane with a confused look, and he looks equally confused.

  “That was weird,” I mumble. Dane and I wait in the little hallway for a while until the frantic girl comes back. Dane steps up to the counter.

  “Can we get two skate rentals?” Dane asks the girl, and she looks at him with wide eyes. She looks constipated, and I feel bad for her. Maybe she’s having a bad day, and we came too early. Now, we’re stressing her out to the point of constipation.

  “Uh, yeah,” the girl says. Her name tag reads Becca, and she doesn’t look to be much older than us. I wonder if this is her part-time job. The counter is sticky when I place my hand on it, and I scrunch my face up in disgust. I wipe my hand on the back of my pant leg and shove my hands in my coat pockets.

  The girl looks between us and the computer screen in front of her half a dozen times before finally asking for our money. Dane hands her his debit card, and I look down at my shoes. The girl hands back his card with two wristbands and says we can get our skates inside. Dane thanks her. Then, he walks a few steps towards one of the closed doors and tries pushing it open, but it doesn’t budge. He tries again and finally realizes he has to pull for it to open. His face turns red, but I pretend I didn’t notice.